Welcome to our third Hope Dweller Stories post! I’m blessed and excited to introduce Jamie Young to you today! Some of you may remember the friend I mentioned in the post, A New Direction—the one I was talking with when I felt God saying, “Ask her to do a guest post on your blog.” That friend was Jamie. She is the very first person that God laid on my heart to ask to be a guest poster. In fact, God used asking Jamie to do a guest post as the catalyst to plant the idea in my heart to have multiple guests over time come and share their stories with us. We are just a few weeks short of it being a year since that conversation with Jamie took place. I cannot think of a better time for her to be sharing with us. So, without further ado, here’s Jamie with what’s been on her heart lately.
I’m honored to be able to share with y’all what the Lord has been working in my heart and life lately. If you have struggled with self-worth, or “mom guilt,” or selfishness, I’m praying that if there is any comfort, any encouragement, any peace for you to have in this time, that the Lord gives it to you in abundance – which we believe He will!
I feel like I’m standing on a ledge right now … in a good way. Like I should jump headfirst into something I can’t clearly see. I know it’s the Holy Spirt drawing me to a place of trust and action. A place of deep relationship with Him. A place of peace – though that may not mean “easy” or even “not scared” – because sometimes, oftentimes, it is hard and we find that being brave doesn’t mean we aren’t “scared” necessarily. It just means that we trust God enough to do what He calls us to do, in spite of that.
My personal struggles have been looming over me, and I’ve been tending to focus on thinking about how I must change them (which leads me in a cycle of: guilt – anger – sorrow – trying to do better – failing – guilt …) and in reality, nothing really changes. I’ve felt like I’m on the edge of a big transition for a little while; I felt this way a few months ago and have pushed it aside time and time again. Maybe I’ve been afraid that whatever the Father is going to do is going to be a bit too hard. Perhaps I don’t think I am going to do it “well enough.” Or it could be that I just haven’t had my heart and mind open to the work I know will be part of the process of the change that needs to come.
During this time, I have been battling an overarching ache that I have done a disservice to my husband and our five children, not to mention other family and friends, because of my lack of connectedness. My pray/study/connection times with Jesus have been surface-level lately, at best. My words haven’t always been very kind. My intentionality has often been non-existent. My goals have basically revolved around getting through the daily grind with nary a thought of those around me. It’s been kinda miserable, y’all!
However, as believers, we know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because in Him we are free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2.) So when I’m in a place where the looming feeling or attitude about my situation is one of defeat, I have the power to lift my heart, my eyes, my mind, off the things that would entangle me in shame and instead walk in grace! When I was talking this over with a couple of friends of mine, one of them mentioned that feelings of guilt can be indicators of what God is preparing to change in us. That was so powerful and encouraging to me. While we know it is impossible to change the past, looking back and recognizing what we would change if we could, can give us perspective. And that perspective might be just what we need to see what God is working out in us right now.
While I don’t have this all worked out yet; I don’t know exactly what the Lord is doing in my life … I am in the place now where, instead of being afraid I might fall, I am excited to jump! I hope that each of us who finds ourselves in these sorts of situations recognize the specific places God may be drawing us to Himself to trust Him completely. Is He asking us to make a bold move? Is He calling us to a space where we feel kind of out of control of it all? May we be able to step back, take a deep breath, lean in to the Spirit, and be willing to move in faith, even when we can’t exactly see what’s ahead. Our Savior is good. And He is gracious. So be brave, Mommas. He is with us every step of the way!
I know that God has spoken to me in a similar way this year. Preparing me for something that is coming, something that may not be easy, just as Jamie said, but that will be worth it. I know that feeling of standing on the precipice, getting ready to jump into something that God is doing. As God was preparing my husband and me for calling us into an area of ministry years ago, that feeling was very distinct. At the time, we had no clue what He was doing or what He was going to ask us to do. We talked about how it felt a little like God had us blindfolded and that He was waiting to reveal an incredible surprise to us at just the right moment. He often does that with us. We feel a stirring, a restlessness, a wondering being awakened in us that is Him getting our attention, preparing us, and opening us up to what’s coming. And through it, He’s calling us deeper with Him.
Folks, God is already at work around us. He’s working even when we don’t feel like we see it. And in His timing, when our hearts are ready, He will reveal to us what He’s been doing and invite us to join Him. Trust Him. Turn your heart to Him and to loving Him. And then, let Him take care of the rest. He will be faithful to work on your heart, to mold you and shape you, to prepare you and make you ready, as you simply focus on knowing and loving Him. Let Him call you deeper in with Him.
Thank you so much, Jamie, for letting God confirm the work He is doing in our hearts by sharing with us what He’s doing in yours.